“Writing about a painful experience like stillbirth is still a taboo in our community. People expect us to dance around the pain in silence, hoping that it will mysteriously fade away. There truth is nothing is more healing than engaging in deep conversation about your loss,” she said. Her husband, Aubrey, said he hopes the book will spark a conversation in the black community on how the burial ceremony of stillborn children is conducted. “I was told from the beginning that burial matters will be handled by elderly women who are 65 years and older. I was isolated and banished from the burial matters of my own child. “I had to stand metres away and not see what was being done to my own flesh. I was prevented from saying my last goodbyes and it was traumatic,” he said.
The founder of CEM Publishers, Eunice Rakhale-Molefe, said Ngobeni’s book talks to all the mothers who are holding their children in their hearts, and not in their arms. “A mother is not defined by the number of children she has but by the love she holds in her heart. For those parents whose children are alive, but not being held in their hearts, this book will infuse the compassion and yearning inside them to seize the moment and make it right with their children,” she said. The book is available on Amazon and Xarra Books and can be ordered on “Walking through the pain of stillbirth” Facebook page or by contacting Khanyisa on 083 214 4823. – Neville Maakana, Capricon Voice